


uh, yeah, i sure hope it does

by shutuprace



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF Michelle Jones, BAMF Shuri (Marvel), Basically, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Tony Stark, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, Harley Keener & Peter Parker Friendship, Humor, Inspired by Twitter, LIKE EVER, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is a Little Shit, Secret Identity Fail, Sensory Overload, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, but everyone loves him, did i mention peter's oblivious?, everyone is bi, harley has a crush on peter, high school is tough pals, i think i'm so funny, it's ok tho, it's really messy, liz never left, morgan is peter's little sister, peter is an oblivious piece of shit, peter is bad at secrets, we call them the Science Kids, yeah he never knows what's going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-03-09 09:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutuprace/pseuds/shutuprace
Summary: [03:47] peter:do you think my spidey senses include a heightened gaydar?[03:52] tony:i’m revoking your twitter privilegespeter parker is curious by nature. he's also an insomniac sixteen-year-old who should not be allowed anywhere near a computer or cellphone.or, a recompilation of texts and late night conversations between the spider-kid and his extended superhero family.





	1. god

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to a MESS! couple of things you should know:  
> \- i've decided to give this messy idea a shot since high school is hard and i need a distraction,  
> \- that means i'll probably update sporadically. yell at me if i leave you hanging. i mean it. yell.  
> \- the only endgame i know is tony stark & happiness! woohoo!  
> \- lots of tumblr references, twitter references, vine references... y'know. the whole shabangs.  
> \- requests! feedback! ideas! complaints! i'm open to all of those. always :)  
> \- everyone is gay. or bisexual. they're all anxious. they all love peter. that's it, basically!
> 
> enjoy your stay at this Big Ass Mess! population: tony stark's science kids.

**Tony Stark's Science Kids**

 

 **[00:27] peter:** do you think cold is skin deep?

 **[00:27] peter:** or is cold more of an emotion? do you _feel_ cold? is that a _thing_?

 **[00:28] peter:** is cold transferable? if so, can i _give_ someone my cold?

 **[00:29] peter:** what is cold, anyway? a state of mind? a body experience?

_peter is writing..._

**[00:30] harley:** someone get him a blanket before he sends another message or i swear to god

 **[00:31] peter:** before the term “cold” existed, how did humnsdhjkhasduonweadls

 **[00:32] shuri:** done :)

 **[00:32] peter:** you didn’t have to THROW IT

 

* * *

 

 **[01:52] peter:** today during a patrol someone asked what state i lived in

 **[01:54] shuri:** what did you say?

 **[01:56] peter:** constant anxiety

 

* * *

 

**PM: Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

 **[03:47] peter:** do you think my spidey senses include a heightened gaydar?

 **[03:52] tony:** i’m revoking your twitter privileges

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
don’t try to save the world on fifteen minutes of sleep and three jars of coffee. it ends bad

 **shuree** _@shuriofwakanda_  
_@notspiderman_ you whities still have to sleep? lame

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
_@ironman_ MR. STARK SHE’S DOING IT AGAIN

 **Tony Stark** _@ironman_  
_@shuriofwakanda_ Science kid number one, please lay off science kid number two. He has issues

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
_@ironman_ thanks dad

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
woah why are my notifs blowing up

 **shuree** _@shuriofwakanda_  
_@notspiderman_ you- you just called tony dad. you said ‘thanks dad’

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
_@shuriofwakanda_ no i didn’t

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
_@shuriofwakanda_ i meant thanks MAN

 **Tony Stark** _@ironman_  
_@notspiderman_ Do you see me as a father figure, Spider-ling?

 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
_@ironman_ what? no. if anything i see you as a BOTHER figure cause you’re always BOTHERING me

 **natasha r.** _@blackwidow_  
_@notspiderman_ hey, show your father some respect

 

* * *

  

**PM: Guy In The Chaiiiiir**

 

 **[07:21] ned:** why are you not at church?

 **[07:24] peter:** new phone, who dis?

 **[07:26] ned:** god

 **[07:29] peter:** then why are you texting in church? pay attention

 


	2. nerdy pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day because ya girl is investeddd

**Tony Stark's Science Kids**

 

 **[23:45] peter:** you know what’s dumb?

 **[23:45] mj:** you

 **[23:46] peter** : that was… fast

 **[23:46] peter:** but no

 **[23:46] peter:** sleep. sleep is dumb

 **[23:47] peter:** it’s dumb, it’s hard and it’s not making me any smarter

 **[23:48] peter:** you know what ISN’T dumb?

 **[23:48] shuri:** mj

 **[23:48] mj:** aw. that’s so sweet

 **[23:49] mj:** and true

 **[23:50] peter:** COFFEE, guys

 **[23:50] peter:** coffee is a miracle

 **[23:51] mj:** amen

 **[23:51] peter:** DID YOU JUST AGREE WITH ME

 **[23:51] peter:** oh my god mj agreed with me

 **[23:52] shuri:** or did you agree with her?

 **[23:52] mj:** i think, in reality, _you_ agreed with _me_

 **[23:53] peter:** wait.

 **[23:53] peter:** did i?

 **[23:54] harley:** i think this is the point of bizarreness where one of us needs to tell the others to stop

 **[23:54] harley:** so please. stop. i’m begging you.

 **[23:55] peter:** fine, fine, i’m stopping

 

 **[00:13] peter:** okay but what _is_ sleep, anywaasdhalsdjal

 **[00:14] ned:** what-

 **[00:14] shuri:** i think harley killed him before he could finish the sentence

 **[00:15] harley:** :)

 **[00:16] mj:** our true savior

 

* * *

 

 **[09:32] shuri:** how did you do on that maths test?

 **[09:33] mj:** awesome. a full A

 **[09:33] ned:** me too! the highest marks except for peter’s. nerdy pants got an A+

 **[09:34] peter:** i’m not a nerdy pants

 **[09:35] shuri:** press f for the nerdy pants

 **[09:35] mj:** f

 **[09:36] ned:** f

 **[09:36] harley:** f

 **[09:37] peter:** f?

 **[09:38] peter:** wait no

 **[09:39] harley:** god you’re such a weirdo

 **[09:41] harley:** you’re so lucky to have us

 **[09:41] mj:** yeah, he’d be a full ass geek without us

 **[09:42] peter:** guys?

 **[09:43] shuri:** i mean… he _is_ a geek

 **[09:43] ned:** yeah, but he’s _our_ geek

 

 **[09:46] harley:** did it work

 **[09:46] harley:** is he crying

 **[09:47] ned:** he’s SOBBING

 **[09:47] peter:** NO IM NOT

 **[09:48] mj:** he’s crying

 **[09:48] shuri:** yeeeeah baby, new record!

 **[09:49] peter:** i hate yuo

 

* * *

 

**The Avengays**

 

 **[17:20] thor:** what is going on between stark and the kid?

 **[17:21] steve:** elaborate?

 **[17:21] thor:** they’re staring at each other angrily and i don’t think neither of them has blinked in the last half hour

 **[17:22] bucky:** oh no

 **[17:23] steve:** that’s a glaring contest

 **[17:23] steve:** that’s a thing they do when they’re upset but won’t talk to each other

 **[17:24] thor:** oh, no! what terrible thing could cause something like that?

 

“It was _my_ sandwich!” Peter yells from one side of the room.

  
“I was _hungry_!” Tony replies, moving his arms dramatically.

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

 **pete** _@peterbparker_  
hey everyone so today my dad ate my sandwich so i'm starting a kickstarter to put him down. benefits of killing him would be:  
\- i would starve to death way less

           **Tony Stark**   _@ironman  
_          _@peterbparker_ I'd like to see you try, Underoos.

                **shuree**   _@shuriofwakanda  
             _  _@peterbparker @ironman_ me too, please

                     **harley** _@themechanicjr  
_                     _@peterbparker @ironman @shuriofwakanda_ ten bucks says he panics and yeets away before tony even suits up

                          **pete** _@peterbparker_ _  
@ironman @shuriofwakanda @themechanicjr_ this is arachnophobia


	3. anxietea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the author is stressed because physics are hard.  
> the author projects that on peter parker.  
> it's me, i'm the author.  
> rip.

**Twitter**

 

 **mj** _@something  
_peter calls his herbal tea “anxieTEA” and i think about that a lot

          **pete** _@peterbparker  
_          _@something_ aw, you think about me a lot?

               **shuree**   _@shuriofwakanda  
_               _@peterbparker @something_ not a compliment, pete

                    **pete** _@peterbparker  
_                     _@shuriofwakanda @something_ eh, i’ll take what i can get

 

* * *

 

**Tony Stark's Science Kids**

 

 **[04:08] peter:** hi guys did you know that any body completely or partially submerged in a fluid at rest is acted upon by an upward/buoyant force the magnitude of which is equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by the body

 **[04:09] shuri:** oh no, not again

 **[04:10] peter:** the volume of displaced fluid is equivalent to the volume of an object fully immersed in a fluid or to that fraction of the volume below the surface for an object partially submerged in a liquid

 **[04:11] shuri:** someone call mj

 **[04:11] peter:** the weight of the displaced portion of the fluid is equivalent to the magnitude of the buoyant force

 **[04:12] shuri:** ned

 **[04:13] peter:** the buoyant force on a body floating in a liquid or gas is also equivalent in magnitude to the weight of the floating object and is opposite in direction

 **[04:13] shuri:** hARLEY

 **[04:14] peter:** F = (ρf - ρg) gV

 **[04:14] peter:** F = ρgV

 **[04:15] harley:** i’m on it i’m on it

 **[04:15] peter:** F = ρρ g V

_peter is writing…_

**[04:25] shuri:** well?

 **[04:26] harley:** done

 **[04:26] harley:** i’m a great hugger

 **[04:27] peter:** you dropped dead over me

 **[04:27] harley:** you were spiraling!

 **[04:28] peter:** until you JUMPED OVER ME

 **[04:29] harley:** well did it or did it not make you stop spiraling?

 **[04:30] peter:** … yes

 **[04:30] harley:** well then there you go

 **[04:31] harley:** i’m a great hugger

**[04:32] peter:[maybe_so.gif](https://66.media.tumblr.com/b9960b88ad33754c13aa3867486e6aaf/tumblr_inline_p191v05m0h1s6jj2j_500.gif)**

**[04:35] shuri:** get a room and SLEEP

 

* * *

 

 

**Twitter**

 

 

 **pete** _@peterbparker_  
you know what? physics are fucking hard, man. they’re hard  
|  
**pete** @peterbparker  
but i’m still gonna ace this test ‘cause mama ain’t raise no bitch

          **Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_          @peterbparker did you just curse? Because we don’t talk like that in this god damn motherfucking house. Shit.

               **shuree** @shuriofwakanda  
               _@ironman @peterbparker_ OH MY GOD WAS THAT-

                     **pete** _@peterbparker  
_                   @shuriofwakanda @ironman OHMY HOFDDHFKSJD

 **harley** _@themechanicjr  
_he did it. he ended the science kids.

 **pete** _@peterbparker  
_this is the proudest moment of my career

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone (ellie? i think you don't have an ao3 account but hi this is for you) suggested that tony should get back at the kids for making vine references all day and making fun of him for not understanding so... i did it. no regrets.  
> (maybe i laughed a Lot as i wrote this, oop-)
> 
> if you have any ideas, pleaseeeeeeee let me know!  
> the reception of this fic has been so awesome and we're only three chapters in! it's mindblowing. :')


	4. fiesta salsa quinceañera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it may not be april, but in the stark household, there's always a time for the fools!
> 
> (a very special appearance of a very special character! treat her well)

**Tony Stark’s Science Kids**

 

 **[14:55] harley:** HAPPY APRIL’S FOOLS!!

 **[14:56] peter:** it’s almost june

 **[14:56] shuri:** peter. let the man talk

 **[14:57] peter:** but i????????

 **[14:57] harley:** ANYWAY

 **[14:58] harley:** it’s been a while since we did operation hot dog

 **[14:59] mj:** why is _that_ the name of the operation

 **[15:00] harley:** i was hungry

 **[15:01] harley:** and it’s a great name. peter agrees with me, right pete? :)

 **[15:02] peter:** uh. yes?

 **[15:03] mj:** that’s not fair you can’t use your gay powers on him just like that

 **[15:03] mj:** it’s wrong. isn’t it, shuri?

 **[15:04] shuri:** yasssss queen!!! slay!! <3 <3 <3

 **[15:05] harley:** gays. do you or do you not want to bring operation hot dog back to life?

 **[15:06] peter:** yes yes YES

 **[15:06] shuri:** let’s do it

 

_harley renamed the groupchat._

_harley added_ **_????_ ** _._

 

**Operation Hot Dog 2019**

 

 **[15:21] shuri:** wait. who’s the unknown number?

 **[15:22] harley:** i brought in some reinforcements

 **[15:23] peter:** oh worm??

 **[15:24] harley:** say that again and i’m disbrowning you

 **[15:25] peter:** we’re not blood-related, you can’t do that

 **[15:25] peter:** wait. can you??

 **[15:26] mj:** guys. the new kid?

 **[15:27] harley:** oh, right. riri williams

 **[15:27] harley:** hi riri, welcome to the science kids

 **[15:28] riri:** uh. thanks, harley

_peter is writing…_

**[15:29] harley:** oh god no

 **[15:30] peter:** yOU’RE RIRI WILLIAMS???? OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO AWESOME MR. STARK ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT YOU I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE A SCIENCE KID OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO COOL LIKE IT’S LITERALLY INSANE AND YOUR SUIT??? IT’S SO HKDJHSHJD

 **[15:31] riri:** oh wow

 **[15:31] riri:** so you must be peter

 **[15:32] riri:** thanks? i guess

 **[15:33] shuri:** he’s not usually that loud

 **[15:33] shuri:** i mean, no. he’s _always_ loud. after a while you just learn to tune him out. like white noise

 **[15:34] peter:** ouch

 **[15:35] mj:** guys. the plan?

 **[15:35] harley:** right. we should get to that.

 **[15:36] ned:** what’s _operation hotdog_ , anyway?

 **[15:37] peter:** oh, ned, you’re gonna love this

 

 **[18:11] mj:** status update. parker?

 **[18:12] peter:** done! :)

 **[18:12] mj:** cool. shuri? harley?

 **[18:13] shuri:** if harley stops fucking around we’ll be done in a second

 **[18:14] harley:** you kiss your mother with that mouth, princess?

 **[18:15] shuri:** stop talking start wORKING

 **[18:16] mj:** … great. ned?

 **[18:16] ned:** yeah, it’s ready!

 **[18:17] mj:** new kid?

 **[18:17] riri:** it’s done

 **[18:18] ned:** oh man, this is gonna be so cool

 

* * *

 

**[TRANSCRIPT: F.R.I.D.A.Y. FILES - STARK TOWER 05/23/19 18:41]**

 

_accessing file…_

 

 **PETER:** _Okay, okay, he’s here! Shut up, Ned! It’s time!_

 **FRIDAY:** _Welcome back, BOSS._

 **TONY:** _Hi, FRIDAY._

 **FRIDAY:** _Long day?_

 **TONY:** _Yeah, well, dealing with the UN is never fun, is it?_

 **FRIDAY:** _I guess not, BOSS. Should I lead you to your APARTMENT?_

 **TONY:** _Nah. I think I’m gonna work on a little something for the SPIDER-KID_ **_[subject: PETER PARKER. codename: SPIDER-MAN]_ ** _. Take me to the LAB._

 **FRIDAY:** _Access denied._

 **TONY:** _What? Override. TONY E. STARK._

 **FRIDAY:** _Access denied._

 **TONY:** _Who else is here, FRIDAY?_

 **FRIDAY:** _No one, BOSS. Just you and me._

 **TONY:** _That’s weird. Then, uh, take me to the LIVING ROOM, I guess. Something must be messing with the code._

 **FRIDAY:** _As you wish, BOSS._

 **TONY:** _What the-- What the hell happened here?_

 **FRIDAY:** _I’m afraid I don’t understand, BOSS._

 **TONY:** _Well!? I don’t know. Is all the furniture sticking to the ceiling ringing any bells, FRIDAY!?_

 **FRIDAY:** _I’m not authorized to release any information._

**[UNRECOGNIZABLE MUMBLING]**

**TONY:** _I’m going to kill these KIDS_ **_[subjects: PETER PARKER, HARLEY KEENER, PRINCESS SHURI OF WAKANDA, ????, ????, ????]_ ** _. Where are they, FRIDAY?_

 **FRIDAY:** _I am not allowed to say._

**[GRUNTING]**

**TONY:** _Fine. I’ll do it myself._

**[STEPS]**

**TONY (LOUD):** _Keener! Parker! If you don’t fix this I’m selling you and all of your toys, I swear to god--_

**[UNRECOGNIZABLE CRASH]**

**[PLAY:[fiesta_salsa_quinceañera_remix.mp3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcIR7zMPv2Y) \- ACCESS TO: ALL AUDIO SYSTEMS]**

**TONY:** _What the hell!? FRIDAY!_

 **FRIDAY:** _Lo siento, JEFE_ **_[TRANSLATE: I’m sorry, BOSS]_ ** . _Operation Hot Dog!_

**[UNRECOGNIZABLE BANGS - SOURCE IDENTIFIED - UNKNOWN OBJECT DROPPED]**

**TONY:** _Where the-- Shit! FRIDAY, where’s the reset button?_

 **FRIDAY:** _No estoy autorizada a dar esa información_ **_[TRANSLATE: I’m not authorized to release that information]_ ** _._

 **TONY:** _Oh, my god. This is a nightmare!_

_end of file. would you like me to send this to your personal inbox, PETER?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. this is the messiest thing i've ever written. i regret it. please don't kill me.


	5. irondad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter does something dumb (but what else is new?)

** Tony Stark’s Science Kids **

 

**[00:27] peter:** ouch

**[00:28] ned:** ouch? what’s ‘ouch’?

**[00:28] harley:** “ouch” /ouCH/ is an exclamation often used to express pain.

**[00:29] ned:** i know what it _means_ , i just- never mind

**[00:30] riri:** what’s wrong, bugboy?

**[00:31] ned:** wait a second. you...  _know_ ?

**[00:31] riri:** know what?

**[00:32] ned:** about. uh. yknow.  _peter_.

**[00:33] mj:** he wants to know if you know about the spider-man thing

**[00:33] ned:** MJ SHUT UPPSODKDJ

**[00:34] ned:** DELETE

**[00:35] riri:** is it supposed to be a secret or...?

**[00:35] ned:** oh my god

**[00:36] shuri:** peter? what’s wrong?

**[00:37] peter:** nothing!!!! it’s fine!!!!

**[00:37] mj:** he was either stabbed or kidnapped because there’s no way in the hell someone in their right mind would use so many exclamation points 

**[00:38] peter:** no guys i swear i’m oksyttt

**[00:39] ned:** jesus peter

**[00:40] harley:** i’m calling tony. stay where you are and don’t do anything stupid or i’ll hunt your cute stupid ass down and kill you

**[00:41] peter:** ... pls hurry it hurts

 

* * *

 

  **The OG Mechanic**

 

**[00:41] harley:** peter did something dumb

**[00:41] tony:** what?

**[00:42] harley:** he’s either hurt or on drugs

**[00:42] tony:** WHAT

**[00:43] harley: [location]**

**[00:44] tony:** fuck. shit. okay.

**[00:44] harley:**   _↪ forwarded_

_             ... pls hurry it hurts _

 

 

* * *

 

 

** Twitter **

 

**Fact Channel News** _@FCNews  
_ SPOTTED: Billionaire TONY STARK in IRON MAN SUIT rescuing local superhero SPIDER-MAN? What’s the relationship hiding behind this?

**pete** _@peterbparker  
_ in my defense the perp caught ME slipping. that is on ME.

**guy in the chair** _@nedleeds2001  
_ _@peterbparker_ how is that “in your defense”?

**Fact Channel News** _@FCNews_  
Possible connection between SPIDER-MAN and TONY STARK’S TEENAGER PROTEGE?

**shayla** _@tonystarkie  
_is spider-man one of tony’s “science kids”? (a thread)  
|  
**shayla** _@tonystarkie_  
we know about the existence of 4 science kids: riri williams, princess shuri, harley keener and the fourth one seems to be kept pretty secret because all we know is that he’s a teenager and tony has donated a lot to his school (midtown tech).  
|  
**shayla** _@tonystarkie_  
now, tony only follows three kids from midtown. one is a girl, so that one’s out. but @/peterbparker seems to type a lot like spidey! and the banter between the two is the same!  
|  
**shayla** _@tonystarkie_  
so, the question is: is spider-man actually @/peterbparker? if so, what’s the relationship between this kid and tony? is tony secretly a dad? 

**pete** _@peterbparker  
_ whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

 

* * *

 

**The Avengays**

 

**[02:11] bucky:** what the fuck is going on?

**[02:12] steve:** someone’s having an argument with someone on the kitchen

**[02:12] bucky:** well, yeah, i knew _that_

**[02:12] bucky:** but whom and why at two in the fucking morning

**[02:13] natasha:** it’s tony and the kid

**[02:14] steve:** fuck.

 

* * *

 

** [TRANSCRIPT: F.R.I.D.A.Y. FILES - STARK TOWER 05/27/19 02:11] **

 

accessing file...

 

**PETER:** _MR. STARK, I just—_

**TONY:** _What were you thinking? You could’ve died, PETER!_

**PETER:** _TONY, please, just—_

**TONY:** _You get “lightly stabbed” and you don’t come to me? That wasn’t our deal, PARKER!_

**PETER:** _I didn’t want to—_

**TONY:** _No, that’s bulshit! You know I care about you, you know I’m responsible of your superhero duties and you fucking know I love you like a son **[ACTIVATING: BIG MOMENT PROTOCOL]** so cut the crap with the “I didn’t wanna worry you” lies._

**PETER:** _I didn’t— I just didn’t think—_

**TONY:** _Yeah. You didn’t think. Exactly._

** [UNRECOGNIZABLE BEEP - SOURCE IDENTIFIED - CELLPHONE ALERT] **

**PETER:** _Oh, no. No, no, no, no._

**TONY:** _What?_

**PETER:** _They— They—_

**TONY:** _PETE, what’s wrong?_

**PETER:** _They know._

 

_ end of file. would you like me to send this to your personal inbox, NATASHA? _

 

* * *

 

**The Avengays**

 

**[02:27] natasha:** _transcription052419.FRIDAY_

**[02:30] bucky:** so, the kid got hurt

**[02:31] steve:** what’s going on now? did they make up?

**[02:32] natasha:** they lowered their voices. i don’t think they’d want us to listen to that one.

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

 **Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_To anyone spreading misinformation about a link between a local superhero and one of my protégés, I am asking you nicely to turn all media contents down. This is a warning.  
|  
**Tony Stark**   _@ironman  
_My protégés are living their lives under the radar and I’d like to keep it that way. They are minors and my lawyers will take care of the problem if you refuse to delete your posts.  
|  
**Tony Stark**   _@ironman  
_Spider-Man is an Avenger like the rest of us. Images of me “rescuing him” aren’t actually true to the facts: he is my teammate and needed backup. That’s all it is.  
|  
**Tony Stark**   _@ironman  
_As my teammate, I must respect Spider-Man’s decision of keeping his real identity a secret and so should you. If you don’t, my lawyers WILL be in contact.  
|  
**Tony Stark**   _@ironman  
_This is a warning: If I were to see any other misinformation about my protégés on the internet, the person will be sued and banned from any Stark Industries related property permanently.  
|  
**Tony Stark**   _@ironman  
_Do not try me on this one. I don’t just know the law, I AM the law.  
_RT’ed by **Steve Rogers** , **natasha r.** , **shuree** and 29.037 more._

 

**shayla** _@tonystarkie  
_ holy fucking shit did tony stark just james charles us

 

* * *

 

**Tony Stark's Science Kids**

 

**[03:47] riri:** wow. tony did that?

**[03:48] harley:** he went full IronDad on us

**[03:49] mj:** but what happened?

**[03:49] shuri:** someone almost outed pete to the whole world

**[03:50] ned:** WHAT

**[03:51] shuri:** dude. check twitter

**[03:57] ned:** oh my god

 

* * *

 

** [TRANSCRIPT: F.R.I.D.A.Y. FILES - STARK TOWER 05/27/19 04:02] **

 

_ accessing file... _

 

**TONY:** _Hey, KIDDO **[subject: PETER PARKER. codename: SPIDER-MAN]**. How are you feeling?_

**PETER:** _I’m okay._

**TONY:** _How’s the wound?_

**PETER:** _Almost gone now. It doesn’t really hurt that much._

**TONY:** _You know, I’m like a human lie-detector at this point. It’s not bad if it hurts, UNDEROOS._

** [SNIFF] **

**PETER:** _It’s— It’s not that._

**TONY:** _What’s wrong?_

**PETER:** _You— The Twitter thing. I’m sorry you had to do that. I didn’t mean to—_

** [SIGH] **

**TONY:** _It’s alright. The media sucks. No biggie. It’s taken care of, your identity remains a secret. Promise._

**PETER:** _That thing you said about me..._

**TONY:** _What? That you’re an irresponsible dumbass? I stand by that statement._

** [GIGGLING] **

**PETER:** _No, not that. The— The other thing **[recall: “(...) and you fucking know that I love you like a son, so (...)”]**. Did you... mean that?_

** [SILENCE - SUBJECTS STILL IN FRAME] **

**TONY:** _Of course I did, KID._

 

_ end of file. would you like me to send this to your personal inbox, MR. ROGERS? _

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

**shuree** _@shuriofwakanda  
_ when peter facetimed me i didn’t think it’d be to cry for thirteen uninterrupted minutes.

**pete** _@peterbparker  
_ _@shuriofwakanda_ HE SAID “LIKE A SON”, SHURI

**riri** _@wlwilliams_  
this kid is a mess lmao  
|  
**riri** _@wlwilliams  
_ i like him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone suggested that peter should do something stupid during a patrol, then someone else suggested that peter should face consequences for being so bad at keeping his secret identity an actual secret. i did both in one chapter. i am god. god is a woman. she is me.


	6. geography

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a long rant on the worst subject ever. this isn't at all related to the author's everlasting hate for geography. or the fact that the author should be studying right now instead of posting a second chapter of the day. please, bear with the author. she has issues with geography.

**Tony Stark’s Science Kids**

 

**[14:43] peter:** hi

**[14:43] peter:** europe is dumb

**[14:43] peter:** so is usa

**[14:44] peter:** y’know what else is dumb? geography

**[14:44] peter:** geography SUCKS

**[14:45] peter:** it's like history for the fancy

**[14:46] peter:** history is for the common people, history is cool

**[14:46] peter:** geography is SHIT

**[14:47] peter:** i mean, what is geography, anyway?

**[14:48] peter:** they tell you it's all about putting names on maps but then order you to read 60 pages on world war 1 and 2, the cold war and who knows how many other messes the UN is definitely involved in

**[14:49] shuri:** um how is that geography-

**[14:49] peter:** yeah WHO KNOWS

**[14:50] harley:** that ain’t geography lmao

**[14:52] peter:** _ Geography (from Greek: γεωγραφία, geographia, literally "earth description")[1] is a field of science devoted to the study of the lands, features, inhabitants, and phenomena of the Earth and planets. Geography is an all-encompassing discipline that seeks an understanding of Earth and its human and natural complexities—not merely where objects are, but also how they have changed and come to be. _

**[14:53] mj:** k

**[14:53] peter:** according to wikipedia, that's what geography is

**[14:54] peter:** but y’know what it should say instead?

**[14:54] peter:** CLOWNERY

**[14:55] shuri:** suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure

**[14:56] peter:** don't _suuuuure_ me when i'm in the middle of a rant

**[14:56] peter:** i'll sell your toys, kid

**[14:57] shuri:** i’m six months older than you

**[14:58] riri:** hi

**[14:58] peter:** hi riri geography sucks

**[14:58] shuri:** riri run

**[14:59] riri:** meh, history is better

**[15:00] peter:** YES THANK YOU

**[15:01] peter:** wait. how is it 3pm already?? i've been eating cookies all day what the fuck

**[15:02] peter:** anyway bye i gotta go read 30 more pages of my gEoGRapHy book

 

* * *

 

**[TRANSCRIPT: F.R.I.D.A.Y. FILES - STARK TOWER 05/29/19 15:22]**

 

_ accessing file…  _

 

**MORGAN:** _I like Geography! Different languages and different people and different foods and... It’s fun!_

**PETER:** _ MORGAN, high school is gonna crush your soul. _

**MORGAN:** _Uhm. Okay?_

**PETER:** _I mean it. I used to say “oh, I love school. School is great! Life is great!” But then life said ‘sike’... And now, here we are. And it's 3:20 pm, and I've been eating cookies all day, wearing my pajamas, sitting in front of a computer, listening to a ‘study waves’ thing that's 7 hours long and reading a stupid book for Geography. That's high school._

**TONY:** _ PETE, please step away from the five-year-old and go take a shower. You stink. _

**PETER:** _You know what else stinks?_

**MORGAN:** _ Geography? _

**PETER:** _Yes. You’re very smart. I hope high school isn’t too hard on y_ _—_

**TONY:** _PETER. Shower. Now._

 

_ end of file. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you know, this whole chapter is based off things i actually said. i also am sitting on my pajamas "studying" and eating cookies. i guess we're all a little bit like peter, huh?


	7. bug-people fetish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot of gay and a lot of twitter!
> 
> hormones, or whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read the end notes, kiddos! i have a question for all of u :)

**Twitter**

 

**harley** _ @themechanicjr  
_ welcome back to harley’s weird bug-people fetish!

**shuree** _ @shuriofwakanda  
_ _          @themechanicjr _ bug... people... fetish...?

**harley** _ @themechanicjr  
_ _               @shuriofwakanda _ listen to me. the wasp? ant-man? spider-man? i’m not only bisexual but also bug-sexual and that’s that on that

**shuree** _ @shuriofwakanda  
_ _                    @themechanicjr _ not to kinkshame you but harley what the fuck

 

 **mj** _@something  
_not to be gay but pepper potts could drug me, snatch my kidneys and my liver, and i’d prolly say "you should take my lungs too bc you're so breathtakingly beautiful"

 

 **shuree** _@shuriofwakanda  
_not gonna lie i’d 100% spend my life savings and sacrifice my firstborn for carol danvers to step on my neck

 

 **pete** _@peterbparker  
_not being funny but i’ve thought of thor every day since the battle of new york and that was like 7 years ago

 

 **guy in the chair** _@nedleeds2001  
_man i’m so gay for smart men with 7 phds that are named bruce banner and turn into big green monsters

 **pete** _@peterbparker  
__@nedleeds2001_ that’s oddly specific isn’t it

 

 **riri** _@wlwilliams  
_it’s natasha romanoff nation from here on out ladies! _@blackwidow_ you’re doing amazing sweetie :*

 

 **shuree** _@shuriofwakanda  
_if wanda maximoff kills me do NOT prosecute her. she caught ME slipping. that is on ME.

 

 **harley** _@themechanicjr  
_i just found out gamora and peter quill are together like an actual couple. they just- wow. they did that for the bisexuals. i don’t know what to do with this information.

 

 **riri** _@wlwilliams  
_do you understand how much i want the queen of asgard to punch me in the face. i would honestly do anything for her. please miss valkyrie *slides $2 over the table*

 

 **mj** _@something  
_thinking about that mantis girl. space girls with empathic powers are so powerful, like. she could dig deep and find out my darkest thoughts at any time of the day and i’d probably say thank you

 

 **guy in the chair** _@nedleeds2001  
_sometimes i remember my best friend is practically tony stark’s son and i run out of air because wow. the POWER they have over me. this is truly the best timeline

 

 **pete** __@peterbparker  
if i die on tonight’s patrol tell peter quill i love him and tell the pizza guy who was supposed to deliver my wings 2 hours ago that he fucking sucks thanks for coming to my ted talk  
|  
**pete** __@peterbparker  
ok i’m still alive and my wings came but they forgot my ranch. the lady said she liked my iron man t-shirt so i forgave her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally inspired by my immortal desire of being killed by brie larson. i'm only human, oop-
> 
> i was wondering. if y'all wanted to ask any of the characters (science kids, avengers, whateva) a question, what would it be? please, let me know! - you might even get a cameo on this amazing story, for FREE! it's an offer you can't let bypass (jk)


	8. half a steve (a belated birthday chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May 29th, 1970. Tony Stark was born.
> 
> (may 30th, 2019. the author comes back to life mid-exam week)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss him and i'm very emotional. it was either this or a sad 2k fic of peter mourning... thank god i'm nice, y'all. it wouldn't have been nice to write.

**Twitter**

 

**Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_ I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 49.  
|  
 **Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_ __@notspiderman Did I do that right?

**webhead** _ @notspiderman  
_ _          @ironman _ not at all but i’m still so proud

 

* * *

 

**The Avengays**

 

**[00:00] peter:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR STARK

**[00:02] clint:** that was… fast

**[00:03] peter:** there’s only so many things i’m good at. birthdays are one of them

**[00:03] clint:** okay then

**[00:04] clint:** happy birthday old timer

**[00:04] natasha:** happy birthday, grandpa

**[00:05] tony:** ouch. i house and feed you all and this is what i get?

**[00:06] clint:** you’re almost 50, dude! that’s like. half a steve.

**[00:07] tony:** oh god you’re right

**[00:07] thor:** happy birthday, man of iron! bruce, loki and i are looking forward to your birthday party

**[00:07] peter:** hey mr stark if seven kids and two robots were to sing you the happy birthday song at midnight how upsetting would that be

**[00:08] tony:** very

**[00:08] tony:** wait. seven?

**[00:09] peter:** morgan, harley, riri, shuri, ned, mj and i!

**[00:10] clint:** woah that’s a lot of kids

**[00:10] clint:** and two robots?

**[00:11] peter:** i mean, miss nebula isn’t  _ technically  _ a robot but she hates the idea of being human so that’s the term we’re going with right now

**[00:12] peter:** mr stark?

**[00:13] peter:** … we got cake, too

**[00:14] tony:** fine, but don’t wake pepper up

**[00:15] peter** **:** oh, miss pepper is also here. she made the cake, actually

**[00:15] peter:** since i’m  _ still _ not allowed to step foot in the kitchen

**[00:16] tony:** when you stop catching on fire, then we’ll talk about changing house rules

  
  


**[00:20] clint:** okay i get that i was gone for like two years but when the fuck did stark become such a…  _ dad _ ?

**[00:21] natasha:** no one really knows

**[00:21] natasha:** we just sit here and watch

 

* * *

 

**[TRANSCRIPT: F.R.I.D.A.Y. FILES - STARK TOWER 05/29/19 00:25]**

 

_ accessing file… _

 

**TONY:** _If I run away right now, what are the chances they’ll catch me?_

**FRIDAY:** _Slim to none, BOSS._

**TONY:** _ What are the chances THE KID’s puppy eyes will haunt me until the ends of time if I do? _

**FRIDAY:** _ I’d say very high. _

**[SIGH]**

**TONY:** _Okay. Let them in._

**[OPENING: BEDROOM 0001 FRONT DOOR]**

**[ACCELERATED STEPS]**

**TONY:** _Woah, woah, easy! You’re gonna break this old man’s spine!_

**MORGAN:** _ Happy birthday, DADDY **[subject: ANTHONY E. STARK]**! _

**TONY:** _ Why thank you, PRINCESS **[subject: MORGAN H. STARK]**. _

**[KISSING NOISE]**

**PEPPER:** _ Happy birthday. I love you. _

**TONY:** _ I love you t— _

**[UNREGOGNIZABLE NOISE]**

**HARLEY (LOUD):** _ Waaaah! Happy birthday, old man! _

**TONY:** _ You dare insult me? Under my own goddamn roof? _

**[LAUGHTER]**

**HARLEY:** _ But seriously, happy birthday, dude. _

**TONY:** _ Thanks, kid. Ah, I see you brought  _ _ all _ _ of my children, didn’t you? _

**NEBULA:** _ Uh. Happy birthday. I’m not giving you a hug. _

**TONY:** _ So touching. Thanks. _

**VISION:** _ Happy birthday, MR. STARK. It has now been 49 years since the day you were born. _

**TONY:** _ I… Thank you? _

**SHURI:** _ Yeah, you’re cool, STARK. Yovuyo lokuzalwa  _ **_[TRANSLATE: “Happy Birthday”]_ ** _. _

**TONY:** _ Thank you, YOUR MAJESTY **[subject: PRINCESS SHURI OF WAKANDA]**. _

**RIRI:** _ Move, my turn. Happy birthday, STARKSTER. _

**TONY (SARCASM):** _ You kids are so warm, wow. I can’t believe how sweet you are. _

**RIRI:** _ Be nice or I’ll sing. And it took SHURI thirteen minutes to talk the SPIDER-KID  **[subject: PETER PARKER. codename: SPIDER-MAN]** out of it. _

**TONY:** _ Fine, fine, I surrender. Thank you, though. I really— _

**PETER:** _ Hey. How come I didn’t get a turn? _

**MORGAN:** _ Is it because he burned the kitchen? _

**PETER:** _ MORGAN! _

**[LAUGHTER]**

**TONY:** _ You want a hug, too? _

**PETER:** _ I mean, if you’re asking… _

**[SIGH]**

**[GIGGLES]**

**PETER (QUIETLY):** _ Happy birthday, MR. STARK. _

**TONY:** _ Thanks, kiddo. I love you— All of you. Thanks. _

 

_ end of file. would you like me to send this to your personal inbox, BOSS? _


	9. that's not dramatic at all!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick update.  
> heY! it's tom holland's birthday! international tom holland day! on this day, we celebrate tom holland and tom holland only.
> 
> also, a very important person makes a tiny, tiny appearance. (get it? "tiny")

**PM: World’s Biggest Dumbass ( <3)**

 

**[01:23] harley:** happy birthday, dickwad

**[01:24] peter:** excuse me

**[01:25] harley:** what?

**[01:25] harley:** i call you dickwad all the time

**[01:26] peter:** it’s not my birthday??

**[01:27] harley:** wait

**[01:27] harley:** seriously?

**[01:28] peter:** yup

**[01:29] harley:** are you sure?

**[01:30] peter:** i mean. every day that’s not august 10th is most definitely not my birthday. i can ask may if you want confirmation, or i can look for my papers…

**[01:31] harley:** i- i could’ve sworn that it was your birthday? i feel so betrayed

**[01:32] harley:** the simulation is glitching. these are the darkest times. winter is here.

**[01:33] peter:** well that’s not dramatic at all!

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ this guy just walked into the compound and he’s wearing funny clothes. he’s either a new avenger, a bad guy or a very invested cosplayer  
|  
 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ he wants to talk to someone but i’m the only one here and i’ve been told several times that i’m not prepared in any way to represent the avengers by myself  
|  
 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ okay according to karen the dude isn’t a Bad Guy so there’s that… WAIT  
|  
 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. THIS IS GOLD. GOD DID IT, GOD ENDED ARACHNOPHOBIA TODAY. I’VE RECEIVED A GIFT FROM THE HIGHER PLACES  
|  
 **webhead** __@notspiderman  
this is gonna be so much fun thank god for the internet

 

* * *

 

**The Avengays**

 

**[11:02] sam:** what’s going on? i just got a call from the compound

**[11:04] steve:** bucky, nat and i are out. i don’t know who it could’ve been. tony?

**[11:05] tony:** nope. i’m at this meeting. totally paying attention, by the way.

**[11:06] tony:** anyway, the only one there, if i remember correctly, is the kid

**[11:07] sam:** oh, no

**[11:08] peter:** MR FALCON SIR I AM SO SORRY BUT THE GUY THAT KICKED YOUR ASS A FEW YEARS AGO IS HERE NOW AND HE HAS A VIDEO AND HE REALLY WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING AND HE OFFERED TO SHOW ME THE VIDEO IN EXCHANGE AND IT WAS JUST TOO BIG AN OPPORTUNITY

**[11:10] sam:** what the fuck?

**[11:10] sam:** i’m sorry.  _ who _ the fuck?

**[11:11] peter:** HE SAID HIS NAME WAS SCOTT? SCOTT LANG

**[11:12] tony:** ant-man?

**[11:12] natasha:** wait. ant-man kicked sam’s ass?

**[11:13] sam:** weren’t you on a mission?

**[11:14] peter:** OH MY GOD SO IT’S TRUE?

**[11:15] tony:** pete. volume.

**[11:15] peter:** ˢᵒʳʳʸ

 

* * *

 

**PM: Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

**[04:45] peter:** hey mr stark wouldn’t it be  _ so _ cool if there was this sort of sub-avengers thing where we just recruit bug-people? like me, and mr. lang, and miss van dyne, and miss natasha the black widow? it would be amazing, wouldn’t it?

**[04:49] tony:** i’ll pay you 1000$ to stop and go to sleep


	10. panic! at the disco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy pride! HAPPY pride!! happy PRIDE!!! HAPPY PRIDE!!!! H A P P Y P R I D E ! ! ! !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what’s poppin’ lgbts!!!  
> i love this update. i just do. i love it. my finest work.
> 
> my ocs keep making appearances as stan accounts because of course they do, but remember: if you want to get a cameo, all you have to do is ask any of the characters a question down here in the comment section!

** Twitter **

 

**cara** _@queenofsapphos  
_ hi in celebration of the best month of the year _@notspiderman_ are you gay or not because you’ve implied so a lot and the people need to know

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@queenofsapphos_ i’m sorry to disappoint but i am not gay... you could, however, say i swing both ways

**Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_ _@notspiderman_ What did I say about making bi-puns?

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@ironman_ not to?  
|  
 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ @ironman in my defense it’s pride month i just had to mr stark i mean can you blame me

 

**cara SPIDEY NOTICED?** _@queenofsapphos  
_ OH MY GOD????

**shayla** _@tonystarkie  
_ _@queenofsapphos_ CARA YOU DID THIS FOR ALL THE BISEXUALS AROUND THE GLOBE

 

* * *

 

**Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids**

 

**[03:47] peter:** anyway how did you guys come out to mr stark?

**[03:48] shuri:** i never did. he instantly knew i was a lesbian because i’m just That Powerful

**[03:48] shuri:**   _and_ i was wearing my pride t-shirt when we first met so

**[03:49] harley:** i didn’t really come out either? i asked him once “so are you a bisexual or what” and he said yes and before i could say anything he said “so that’s one more thing we have in common, right?” and that was that

**[03:50] ned:** he’s a genius, dude. i’m not surprised

**[03:51] mj:** neither am i but because it’s just obvious. literally everything about you screams bisexual

**[03:52] harley:** thanks!

**[03:53] riri:** this one time when we were watching ellen tony said “she’s definitely my favorite lesbian” and i casually said “i thought _i_ was your favorite lesbian

**[03:53] riri:** he didn’t even flinch before saying “you think too much of yourself if you think you’re better than ellen”

**[03:54] shuri:** he has a point ellen really is the most powerful of us all

**[03:55] mj:** what about you, weirdo? what’s your story?

**[03:56] peter:** weeeeeell

**[03:57] peter:** it was family night and we were watching the good place and the main character said “more guys should be bi. it’s 2018, get over yourselves!”

**[03:57] peter:** tony just looked at me like it was a challenge and i choked on my juice

**[03:58] peter:** as a way of comfort he said, and i quote, “calm down, there’s no need to panic at the disco”

**[04:02] harley:** this whole chat is so precious i wanna frame it and gift it to every gay i know

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

**dina** _@feminyst  
_ _@notspiderman_ how did you know you were bi?

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@feminyst_ well, it all started when i got really into harry potter...

 

**ethan** _@boysboysgirls  
_ no cops at pride just spider-man

_Rt’ed by **webhead** , **shuree** , **Tony Stark** and 5,672 more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stan the good place! this has been a public service announcement.
> 
> (also omg thank you so much for all the nice comments this bisexual heart is soft for each and every single one of u)


	11. sick!fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sick author writes about sick peter.  
> sick peter has issues.  
> sick peter and his irondad bond a little.  
> beware: incredible amounts of fluff ahead.

** Ms. Potts-Stark (<3!) **

 

**[04:33] tony:** pep

**[04:33] tony:** pep

**[04:34] tony:** PEPPER

**[04:35] pepper:** WHAT?

**[04:36] tony:** i know you’re on this trip but the kid’s sick

**[04:36] pepper:** what? morgan is sleeping right next to me

**[04:37] tony:** not morgan. peter

**[04:37] pepper:** what? but i thought he couldn’t get sick?

**[04:38] tony:** well me too but here we are at 4am and he’s shaking and sweating in our bed

**[04:39] pepper:** oh, pete. is he hot?

**[04:40] tony:** like hell. he’s burning, pep

**[04:40] tony:** i said i was gonna call bruce but he made me promise i wouldn’t “disturb” anyone until the sun’s up

**[04:41] pepper:** well, that _does_ sound like peter. still, text may, will you? tell her she’s got nothing to worry about and send her a car when the sun rises

**[04:42] tony:** okay yeah i can do that yeah sure

**[04:43] pepper:** tony?

**[04:43] tony:** yes?

**[04:44] pepper:** he’s gonna be fine. it’s just a fever

**[04:45] tony:** i know, i know. but what do i do? he looks in so much pain, pep

**[04:46] pepper:** just talk to him. knowing him, the fever could probably trigger a nightmare. talk to him and be nice with him for a moment, will you? none of tony stark’s annoying charm

 

* * *

 

**[TRANSCRIPTION - F.R.I.D.A.Y. FILES - STARK TOWER 06/03/19 04:47]**

 

_accessing file..._

 

**PETER:** _‘m fine, MR. ST’RK._

**TONY (QUIETLY):** _Sure you are._

**[SILENCE - SUBJECTS STILL IN FRAME]**

**TONY:** _Nightmares?_

**PETER:** _No, I just— Just can’t sleep._

**TONY:** _Meds?_

**PETER:** _Taken._

**TONY:** _Where does it hurt?_

**PETER:** _MR. ST’RK, ‘m fine—_

**[SIGH]**

**TONY:** _Better?_

**PETER:** _Mmhm. What— What was that?_

**[SCOFF]**

**TONY:** _Just water, PETE._

**PETER:** _Feels nice._

**TONY:** _Sure. Cold water often does that to burning spiders._

**PETER:** _‘m tired._

**TONY:** _That’s fair. It’s alright, though. Just a fever. Happens to the best of us._

**PETER:** _Mm? You?_

**TONY:** _Oh, yeah. Colds and fevers are my kryptonite — no, that’s not a movie reference, it’s just a common saying._

**PETER:** _But y’re— You... IRON M’N._

**TONY:** _Superheroes get sick all the time, PETE. Don’t worry about it. You’re still cool._

**PETER:** _Y’think ‘m cool?_

**TONY:** _What? Nope. Never said that. You’re hallucinating._

**[GIGGLING]**

**PETER:** _I kn’w y’think ‘m cool, MR. ST’RK. Y’just nev’r say it._

**FRIDAY:** _BOSS, MR. PARKER is having difficulties staying conscious. Medical help is recommended._

**PETER (QUIETLY):** _FRIDAY should call me PET’R._

**FRIDAY:** _Sorry, PETER. I will refer to you like that from now on._

**PETER:** _Th’nk you, FRIDAY. Y’re very nice._

**FRIDAY:** _BOSS, should I call DR. BANNER?_

**TONY:** _Uh..._

**PETER:** _No! It’s 4 a.m.! MR. B’NNER must be sleepin’. We can’t c’ll him, TONY. ‘m okay, ‘m fine._

**FRIDAY:** _According to this reading of PETER’s vitals, it appears that he is not “fine”._

**[GROAN]**

**TONY:** _Call BRUCE, FRIDAY._

**PETER:** _MR. ST’RK—_

**TONY:** _Quiet. You’re not going to burn to death. This bed is too expensive._

**[SILENCE - SUBJECTS STILL IN FRAME]**

**TONY:** _PETE?_

**PETER:** _I didn’t w’nna call him._

**[SIGH]**

**TONY:** _I can’t see you like this and just do nothing, KIDDO. Sorry._

**PETER:** _It’s okay. Just don’t w’nna upset ‘nyone._

**TONY:** _What? Why would you upset BRUCE? He always geeks out when he gets to study you up._

**PETER:** _N— Not BRUCE._

**[SILENCE - SUBJECTS STILL IN FRAME]**

**TONY:** _You think you upset me, PETER?_

**PETER:** _Y’re IRON M’N. You got better things t’do. I don’t w’nna be a burden._

**TONY:** _What? Why would— You’re never a burden, KID. You’re always welcome here._

**PETER:** _Yeah, but—_

**TONY:** _No buts. Fuck, KID, I keep orange juice in the fridge. I have YOUR AUNT **[subject: MAY PARKER]** on speed-dial. You spend weekends here. And you think you’re a burden?_

**PETER:** _I—_

**TONY:** _I know I have a reputation to mantain and my charisma makes it harder to understand, but I care about you. PEP does, too. MORGAN loves you like a brother. You’re family, UNDEROOS._

**[SILENCE - SUBJECTS STILL IN FRAME]**

**[GIGGLING]**

**TONY:** _What?_

**PETER:** _Y— Y’said y’care about me._

**TONY:** _You’re delusional._

**PETER:** _‘m not!_

**[LAUGHTER]**

**PETER (QUIETLY):** _C’n I sleep until MR. DR. BRUCE gets here?_

**TONY:** _Sure. Knock yourself out._

**PETER:** _Hmm._

**[SIGH]**

**PETER:** _Th’nks, DAD. **[INITIALIZING: BIG MOMENT PROTOCOL]**_

**TONY:** _Anytime, KIDDO._

 

_end of file. Would you like me to send this to your personal inbox, MS. POTTS?_


	12. who wants lasagna?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m not really sure what this chapter is about, but it includes the first appearance (hopefully of many) of a character we all know and love and maybe a really oblivious peter? who knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, so.
> 
> i’m not that big of a fan of this update as i was of the ones before; sorry :p exams are breaking me and i don’t have the energy to sit down and write anything funny or coherent. i’ll get there, though! this is the last week of exams and then i’m free-ish. bear with me on this one and i promise the next ones will be better <3

** Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids **

 

**[05:33] peter:** so, in conclusion, the taste of water is its temperature

**[05:34] harley:** are you done?

**[05:34] peter:** i mean i can go on if you want

**[05:35] shuri:** where do you save so much energy? you’re like... really tiny

**[05:35] peter:** i am NOT tiny. i’m a superhero

**[05:36] mj:** tiny superhero

**[05:37] ned:** ant-man?

**[05:37] mj:** no, just peter

**[05:38] harley:** peter doesn’t need a suit to look tiny he just is

**[05:39] peter:** god you’re so annoying

**[05:40] shuri:** yeah but you love us

 **[05:40] peter:** that doesn’t make you any less annoying

 

* * *

 

**Twitter**

 

 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ anxiety is not a fucking joke. grow up or go home. telling someone to “man up and face their fears” is just shitty and ignorant  
_Rt’d by **shuree** , **mj** , **guy in the chair** and 578,625 more._

 

**johnny** _@stormie  
_ whoever hurt spider-man is gonna have to catch these hands

  **reen** _@gaytastic4  
_ _@stormie_ um?? you know spider-man??? america explain

**johnny** _@stormie  
_ _@gaytastic4_ i mean i don’t _know_ him but if he ever wants to use me as a punching bag i’ll probably agree doubtlessly

 

**reen THE SPIDEYTORCH WARRIOR** _@gaytastic4_   
IF GOD HATES THE GAYS WHY DO WE KEEP WINNING

 

* * *

 

**Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

**[03:47] peter:** who’s johnny storm?

**[03:48] tony:** god, do you ever sleep?

**[03:48] peter:** do you?

**[03:49] tony:** ah, well played

**[03:50] tony:** johnny storm? as in the human torch? one of the fantastic four?

**[03:51] peter:** wait. really? that guy?? seriously???

**[03:52] tony:** aw. is this a little crush i’m sensing, underoos?

**[03:53] peter:** WHAT? no. not at all. ew. he must be like 1000 years old

**[03:54] tony:** he’s 18, pete

**[03:55] peter:** huh

**[03:55] peter:** i gotta go

 

* * *

 

 

** Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids **

 

**[04:01] peter:** so, now, i’m feeling really gay

**[04:02] peter:** thank god for pride month

**[04:02] mj:** amen!

**[04:03] shuri:** wait wait wait so you have a crush on the human torch?

**[04:03] peter:** it’s not a crush. i mean, it is. but totally platonic. kinda like thor but... but a little bit less creepy since this guy is 18

**[04:04] harley:** are you gonna date?

**[04:04] peter:** what? no. why?

**[04:05] harley:** hm. nothin’

**[04:06] shuri:** oh, god

**[04:06] peter:** what? what’s wrong?

**[04:07] shuri:** harley’s jeakdbwndywghx

**[04:08] mj:** he killed her before she could finish the sentence

**[04:08] harley:** i call it my power move :)

**[04:09] shuri:** dumbass

**[04:10] peter:** what... what just happened?

 

* * *

 

 

** Twitter **

 

**bruna** _@radwebs  
_ okay _@notspiderman_ spill the tea: are the avengers all serious and stuff or are they really just a meme-loving family that quotes vines and watches sitcoms all day?

  **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@radwebs_ look i’m technically not allowed to say but if this gives you an idea this morning The Tony Stark walked in the kitchen and greeted us saying “whO wants lasagna?”

**Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_ _@notspiderman_ First of all, I know my memes, kid. Secondly, it’s a disease. After coexisting with you kids for so long I’m becoming one of you. 


	13. so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"i paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read jane austen, and then i didn't."_ -john mulaney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> exams are so hard the author cried before and after writing this,  
> and because the author likes to project and use these characters to vent,  
> here you have a chapter that's purely based on her neverending school related rants.  
> enjoy!

**Twitter**

 

 **pete** _@peterbparker_ _  
_ i’m very small and i have no money  
|  
**pete** _@peterbparker_  
so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under

 

* * *

 

**Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids**

 

 **[02:33] peter:** i’m freaking out guess why

 **[02:34] harley:** well you freaked out about school yesterday and the day before that and all of last week too, so

 **[02:34] harley:** i’m guessing school

 **[02:35] peter:** YES

 **[02:36] peter:** it’s so unfair i swear there’s not enough hours in a day between patrolling and studying and the internship and and and and

 **[02:36] ned:** peteyyy! you are The Top Student in almost all of our classes

 **[02:37] ned:** you got nothing to worry about!

 **[02:38] mj:** what he said

 **[02:38] mj:** i mean it’s not your grades that’ll leave you out of any good colleges, it’s your lack of coolness

 **[02:39] ned:** SHE’S KIDDING

 **[02:39] mj:** am i?

 **[02:40] shuri:** she is

 **[02:40] mj:** okay, i am

 **[02:41] riri:** wait, peter. the internship is real?? like i thought it was something tony made up to cover the fact that you practically live there but you’re telling me that you, a sIXTEEN YEAR OLD, actually have an internship at STARK INDUSTRIES

 **[02:41] riri:** you must be smart af my man

 **[02:42] riri:** don’t sweat it, brainiac :)

 

* * *

  

**Twitter**

 

 **pete** _@peterbparker  
_A CRYING TODAY,

          **natasha r.** _@blackwidow  
_ _@peterbparker_ what’s wrong, маленький паук?

               **shuree** _@shuriofwakanda  
__@blackwidow_ nothing, miss nat, peter just does this whenever someone is slightly nice to him

                    **natasha r.** _@blackwidow  
_ _@shuriofwakanda_ what do you mean? is anyone being less than nice to peter? because i’m gonna need you to send me their locations. i wanna talk.

                         **shuree** @shuriofwakanda  
                        @blackwidow you and me both, miss nat

                              **pete** _@peterbparker  
__@shuriofwakanda @blackwidow_ A CRYING TODAYYYYYYY

 

* * *

 

**Tony Stark's Gay Science Kids**

 

 **[03:06] peter:** and, i mean,  _what_ is college?

 **[03:06] peter:** how am i supposed to pick a career and a school?? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M HAVING FOR BREAKFAST IN FOUR HOURS

 **[03:07] peter:** i mean college is making me feel so !!! and it hasn't even started yet

 **[03:08] peter:** and the wisest man i know said himself that he has gone to college and even  _he_ doesn't know what it's about

 **[03:08] harley:** tony?

 **[03:09] peter:** john mulaney

 **[03:10] peter:** he said "stop going until we figure it out" and honestly??? he has a point

 **[03:10] peter:** fuck college lives! i'm being a kid forever!

 

* * *

 

**Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

 **[03:11] tony:** so, you don't wanna go to college?

 **[03:12] peter:** DAMN IT FRIDAY

 **[03:12] peter:** no mr stark it's fine i'm just rambling you weren't supposed to see that

 **[03:13] tony:** what are you rambling for? your grades are awesome, kid. you'll get into MIT and any other college you want 

 **[03:14] peter:** well, yeah, maybe, but what if i pick a school and i regret it later? what if i fail and have to drop out?

 **[03:16] tony:** then you'll change schools, pick another career, take the exams again or drop out and that's that

 **[03:17] tony:** it's not like it's gonna happen, though, because you're a nerd and a smarty pants

 **[03:17] tony:** but even if it  _did_ happen, it's not the end of the world

 **[03:18] peter:** really?

 **[03:19] tony:** yep. and if anyone ever makes you fail a test i can just, you know,  _avenge_ you

 **[03:20] peter:** mr. stARK

 **[03:20] peter:** that was just... terrible

 **[03:21] tony:** i don't know what you're talking about, my sense of humor is flawless

 **[03:21] tony:** now go to sleep before your aunt kills me  _and_ you

 **[03:22] peter:** yessir


	14. hey (not a real update, sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> author needs to apologize.

there used to be a sort of long note here apologizing for my inactivity and it got a little personal because i wanted you guys to know the reason why i hadn't posted in a while. now that i'm back i've decided to delete what it used to say (since, now that i think about it, it was  _really_ personal - sorry about that) but still keep this "chapter" up because all of your support has been incredible and i really am grateful for all your nice comments. i love this story  _so_ much and i'm glad you guys got my back! you're all really amazing.

stay hydrated! plant a tree! take care of yourselves first! eat tons of chocolate! i love youuuu (three thousand, yes).


	15. will you marry me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a bunch of little highlights of what you’ve missed over the last couple of weeks: here’s what our heroes have been up to! (warning: unheroism)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writer’s block is gone so i’m back! thank you so much for the support and love and patience. i’m really glad i got some inspiration, i really missed my children.

**Twitter**

 

**Fact Channel News** _@FCNews  
_ JUST IN: Fire alarms reportedly going off in Avengers Facilities! What are our heroes really up to?

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@FCNews_ oh god

**Tony Stark** _@ironman  
_ _@notspiderman_ Would you like to enlighten us, Spidey?

 

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ so basically someone finished my milkshake and there were only so many ways i could gather them up all at once to find the one who did it so i made the fire alarm go off as one does  
|  
**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ it was scott. scott lang finished my milkshake and now he shall pay the consequences

**ant man** _@langscott  
_ _@notspiderman_ see, you say all that like you don’t have the voice of a 10 year-old.

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@langscott_ those are some bold words for someone who can’t whistle

 

**Fact Channel News** _@FCNews  
_ RUMOR: Ant-Man doesn’t know how to whistle?

 

**ant man** _@langscott  
_ WAIT

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ _@langscott_ now the whole world knows, mr lang :)

**ant man** _@langscott  
_ _@notspiderman @ironman_ please collect your kid he’s scary

 

* * *

 

** Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids **

 

**[04:55] shuri:** ok but how am i supposed to find a girlfriend if i gay panic whenever a girl looks at me for more than 0.2 secs

**[04:56] mj:** hm?

**[04:56] shuri:** aakjajshajsj

 

* * *

 

** Twitter **

 

**pete** _@peterbparker_  
some people think i’m afraid of airplanes because my parents died in one. this is wrong  
|  
**pete** _@peterbparker_  
i’m afraid of airplanes because last time i was in one, the airport cashier said “have a safe flight” and i replied “you too!” and i’ve been too terrified to go back ever since

 

* * *

 

** Twitter **

 

 **webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ i love tony stark. i LOVE tony stark. i love TONY stark. i love tony STARK. i love him. i want him to be my dad.  
|  
 **webhead** _@notspiderman_  
 _@ironman_ adopt me mr stark i love u !

 

 **bella** _@manhvttan  
_ so is spider-man drunk or 

**webhead** @notspiderman  
@manhvttan not drunk just in need to show my love and appreciation for our lord and savior tony stark

**Tony Stark** _@ironman_  
_@notspiderman_ If you don’t cool it down I’m making you return the freaking dog and you’re going with him

**webhead** _@notspiderman_  
_@ironman_ you can’t take him now. this dog is as much of an avenger as you are. i don’t make the rules

 

**Tony Stark** _@ironman_  
“Let him keep it! It should be cool, having a dog in the compound!” Fools. Clowns. Absolute buffoons.

 

* * *

 

** Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids **

 

**[01:07] shuri:** okay so i know we were all rooting for peter and harley but the spider kid just proposed to me and now we’re getting married

**[01:07] peter:** please stop. i’m begging you to stop. i’ll pay you $2 if you stop

**[01:08] shuri:** you think you can buy my silence with two dollars?

**[01:08] peter:** no but it’s all i have

**[01:09] ned:** um guys?

**[01:10] peter:** shuri’s delusional

**[01:10] peter:** she’s been teaching me some wakandan and just now i texted her for some suit-related advice and i accidentally said will you MARRY me instead of will you HELP me

**[01:11] shuri:** THERE’S A DIFFERENCE

**[01:11] peter:** IT’S ALMOST THE SAME WORD

**[01:12] shuri:** HOW CAN YOU SAY “NDITSHATE” AND “NDINCEDE” ARE THE SAME WORD

**[01:13] riri:** you know, the longer i stay in this gc the more i get used to this type of conversation

**[01:14] mj:** you’re one of us, riralia

**[01:14] riri:** you think riri is short for  _riralia_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go watch spider-man: far from home in theaters! go watch spider-man: far from home in theaters! go watch spider-man: far from home in theaters!


	16. jesus take the wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just peter being peter because i love him and miss him already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys cancer season is a bitch i hate her and i want her to go away

**PM: Mr. Hawkeye**

 

**[07:50] peter:** hi mr clint

**[07:52] clint:** hey kid. shouldn't you be at school?

**[07:52] peter:** uhh maybe but class doesn’t start till 8 so it’s fine

**[07:53] peter:** i want to hire you mr clint i lost something

**[07:54] clint:** okay. what am i looking for?

**[07:54] peter:** my will to live.

**[07:55] clint:** so you got a test?

**[07:55] peter:** yup. maths

**[07:56] clint:** okay well get in line behind tony and bucky and my rate is two hundred bucks

**[07:57] peter:** i have four sour skittles and twenty bucks

**[07:58] clint:** sold.

 

* * *

 

 

**PM: Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

**[09:32] tony:** hey, kid. how did the test go?

**[09:33] peter:** this morning i saw a kid dump two cans of redbull on his coffee. then he looked me straight in the eye and said “i’m gonna die” and downed it in one gulp

**[09:33] peter:** i got a ninety-seven though so it was fine but it was Hard and my head h u r t s

**[09:34] tony:** are you saying all of this so i tell happy to pick you up so you don’t have to go to gym class later?

**[09:35] peter:** uh mAybe but my head really does hurt and i forgot my noise cancelling headphones and flash is saying something about who would win in a fight between the hulk and spider-man which always leads to him making jokes about how i invented my “friendship” with spider-man and it’s cancer season which means i should be legally allowed to go home and eat cookies and Sleep

**[09:36] tony:** well

**[09:36] tony:** naturally, i don’t know what any of that means, but happy’s on his way.

**[09:37] peter:** THANK U MR STARK UR THE BEST

**[09:37] tony:** pete.

**[09:38] peter:** ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ᵘ ᵐʳ ˢᵗᵃʳᵏ ᵘʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉˢᵗ

 

* * *

 

 

**Twitter**

 

**harley** _@themechanicjr_  
peter just took a long sip from his wine glass filled with apple juice and said “this is the height of luxury!” i... i need to lie down  
|  
 **harley** _@themechanicjr_  
even though nothing will ever be worse than the time he got an answer wrong in kahoot and groaned “kashoot me”

 

**pete** _@peterbparker_  
HARLEY JUST THREW A BOX OF PEPPERMINTS AT ME

          **harley** _@themechanicjr  
          @peterbparker_ should’ve thought twice before interrupting my lab work to ask if foreign dogs have different fucking accents for their barks

                **pete** _@peterbparker  
               @themechanicjr_ but google wouldn’t give me any answers :(

 

**shuree** _@princessofwakanda_  
i honestly don’t know why someone thought leaving harley and peter unsupervised was a good idea

 

* * *

 

 

**Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids**

 

**[02:22] riri:** what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard go

**[02:23] shuri:** one time barnes and rogers were training and barnes ripped the wheel off of a practice bike thingy? and someone yelled “OH MY GOD JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL”

**[02:24] ned:** once one of my friends dropped his phone and said “every day we stray further from god’s light”

**[02:25] mj:** “do you ever just wanna chew water?”

**[02:25] harley:** a few days ago as i was going to sleep i swear i could hear someone say “hey friday i feel like death play the wizards of waverly place theme song”

**[02:26] peter:** are these... are these all things i’ve said?

  
**[04:53] harley:** have you ever liked someone before but were too scared to say it?

**[04:54] peter:** yeah all the time

**[04:54] harley:** ha same

**[04:55] peter:** lol

**[04:56] shuri:** ...

**[04:57] ned:** s-so dumb

  
**[06:08] shuri:** there’s 12 fish and half of them drown how many are still alive

**[06:08] peter:** six

**[06:09] peter:** WAIT NO


	17. churro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> carol danvers invented lesbians, i was there.

**The Avengays**

 

**[22:07] peter:** just found out tony literally owns area 51 all is great my life is awesome

**[22:08] tony:** you are not getting an alien for your birthday.

**[22:08] peter:** why :(

**[22:09] tony:** first of all, because you insisted on me getting you a dog and now look who’s the one feeding it every day.

**[22:10] peter:** i feed churro all the time!

**[22:10] tony:** second of all — who names their dog  _ churro _ ?

 

* * *

**PM: Miss Danvers!!!!!**

 

**[22:11] peter:** hey miss danvers?

**[22:13] carol:** hey, pete!

**[22:13] carol:** what’s up?

**[22:14] peter:** so um since tony won’t let us play with any of his alien tech we were wondering if you had goose around and wanted to stop by maybe next week since my birthday is coming up because goose is awesome and you’re awesome and goose is kinda alien-y and maybe we could like run some tests on him since it’s summer break and we’re really bored

**[22:15] carol:** woah, woah

**[22:15] carol:** so you wanna play around with goose?

**[22:16] carol:** hmm. yeah, sure!

**[22:17] peter:** OMG THANK YOU THE OTHERS ARE GONNA BE SO HAPPY THANKS WE’LL BAKE YOU COOKIES

**[22:18] carol:** aren’t you still banned from the kitchen?

**[22:18] peter:** ... miss potts will bake you cookies

 

* * *

**Tony Stark’s Gay Science Kids**

 

**[01:33] peter:** man, i love it when carol visits

**[01:34] ned:** me too! she’s so awesome and always lets me ask weird alien-related questions

**[01:34] shuri:** she’s great. did you guys know she invented lesbians?

**[01:35] harley:** that’s not true i’m sure there were other lesbians before her

**[01:35] mj:** that’s not true. she invented lesbians

**[01:36] riri:** also she’s the strongest avenger so that makes all lesbians 10x more powerful

**[01:36] ned:** imagine if carol and ellen met

**[01:37] mj:** woah

**[01:37] shuri:** the POWER

**[01:38] peter:** we... we need to make that happen

 

* * *

**PM: Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

**[01:40] tony:** we are not inviting ellen to your birthday

**[01:41] peter:** FRIDAY STOP RATTING ME OUT

 

* * *

**Twitter**

 

**webhead** _@notspiderman  
_ in case you didn’t know, carol danvers invented lesbians.

**Carol** _@vers  
_ _@notspiderman_ you could say that.

 

**fri** _@danverspidey  
_ i know pride month is over but i wanna thank the avengers for being gay AND saving the world at the same time. literally legends

**bruna** _@radwebs  
_ _@danverspidey_ love how being gay and saving the world are at the same level of importance

**fri** _@danverspidey  
_ _@radwebs_ no being gay is way more important

 

**fri**   _@danverspidey  
_ HOLY SHIT DID SPIDER-MAN JUST LIKE MY TWEET


	18. puppies???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter does the “i want a baby” prank. a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy kiddos! how’s life?
> 
> i’m on winter break for another week and a half (yay) (yes, it’s winter where i live) annd i have exciting news! but you’ll have to stick until the end to hear more about it.
> 
> enjoy this kind of short-but-dope chapter!

**Twitter**

 

 **mj** _@something_

shuri and i walked past a few puppies on the street and she turned to me and said “they remind me of peter”. it can’t get any worse than this

**pete** _@peterbparker_

_           @something _ PUPPIES???

 

* * *

 

**Tony Stark’s Science Kids**

 

**[07:13] ned:** so. how did everyone find out pete was spider-man?

**[07:14] peter:** oh i’m not gonna like this am i

**[07:14] mj:** i confronted him and he said “i have no idea who that is” and literally jumped out a window

**[07:15] shuri:** he crashed into my lab thinking it was bruce’s and looking like a zombie and went “SPIDERS DON’T THERMOREGULATE” before passing out and sleeping for almost three days straight

**[07:16] peter:** i... don’t remember that at all

**[07:16] riri:** he literally tweeted “this is arachnophobia” like fifteen times

**[07:17] peter:** okay,  _ that _ i remember

**[07:17] peter:** god, how am i still a secret?

**[07:18] ned:** are you????

 

* * *

 

**PM: Princess of Lesbians**

 

**[01:23] peter:** i want a baby

**[01:25] shuri:** get one

**[01:25] peter:** okay

**[01:26] shuri:** WAIT NO KIDNAPPING IS ILLEGAL

**[01:26] peter:** ONLY IF YOU GET CAUGHT

**[01:26] shuri:** PETER NO

 

* * *

 

**PM: Guy in the chaiiir**

 

**[01:44] peter:** i want a baby

**[01:45] ned:** we have to focus on game of thrones

**[01:45] peter:** seriously?

**[01:46] ned:** do i sound like i’m kidding

 

* * *

 

**PM: Mr. Stark (sometimes Iron Man)**

 

**[02:01] peter:** mr stark

**[02:02] tony:** kiddo

**[02:02] peter:** i want a baby

**[02:03] tony:** peter you ARE the baby

 

* * *

 

 

**PM: World’s Biggest Dumbass ( <3)**

 

**[02:10] peter:** i want a baby

**[02:11] harley:** like for lunch?

 

* * *

 

**PM: Reeree**

 

**[02:19] peter:** i want a baby

**[02:20] riri:** would not recommend

**[02:20] riri:** babies are like 3/10

 

* * *

 

**PM: Queen of Lesbians**

 

**[02:58] mj:** no

**[02:58] mj:** do not text me “i want a baby”

**[02:59] mj:** don’t even think about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. big news. as you may know, peter parker’s official birthday is on august 10th. to celebrate it (and the fact that cancer season is FINALLY over), i’ve written the entire birthday chapter already!
> 
> it’s very long. it’s very gay. lots of drama. lots of irondad fluff. lots of science kids fluff. the return of liz allan! and, finally...
> 
> [drumrolls] peter and harley. at last!
> 
> so, august 10th. i don’t know if i’m gonna post anything before that, but, yeah. look forward to that one!
> 
> happy leo season, beautiful gays!!

**Author's Note:**

> i have a twitter (@rtonystrk)! feel free to follow me for daily updates on my quest of neverending love for peter parker and tony stark. your kudos and comments are well received at any time of the day! i mean that. you comment on one of my stories once and i'll take you as my best friend. mi casa es su casa :)


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